When Boasting Leads to a Beating
by freckles-knows
Summary: The Host Club offers to do some advertising for the Drama League, while Tamaki gets a surprise in the process.


**A/N: Well, well. Here we are. I haven't update in a long while, but today I heard the song "Major-General" from **_**The Pirates of Penzance**_** for the first time in over ten years, and this popped into my mind. It is very rough, written on and off over about two hours, and not extensively edited. I apologize for any grammatical errors because of that! Also this is listed as a Tama/Kyo fic as it has to do with their friendship, nothing more. Sorry if you were hoping for more.**

**Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing. And if you haven't listened to the full version of the song, I highly recommend it! **

Haruhi heaved a sigh and pushed the large, floppy, feathery hat out of her eyes. Not half an hour ago, the twins had pulled her from the hallway and into a closet to change. Now, when she should have been on her way home to do the wash, she was sitting in the 3rd music room wearing a dress with many voluminous petticoats, and a hat that would not stay out of her eyes.

While this was supposed to be a day off, the Drama League had apparently offered Kyoya something very valuable, indeed, to gain the Host Club's assistance in advertising for their upcoming production of _The Pirates of Penzance_. So, Haruhi now found herself looking at a pirate Hikaru chasing around a dress clad Kaoru, Hunny-senpai wearing a curly wig while inhaling his cake under the watchful eye, the other was covered with an eye patch, of Mori-senpai and Tamaki-senpai in a Major-General uniform. Kyoya, however, was sitting conspicuously in the corner, typing away on his computer with his notebook opened next to him. If Haruhi had to guess, he was re-balancing the accounts to figure out how to use whatever he gained from the Drama League.

Haruhi had never seen _The Pirates of Penzance_ before, but their customers, along with representatives from the Drama League who were also in costume, seemed to be rather pleased with the whole affair.

"No, no, princess," Tamaki cooed, "I myself am not in the production, but I do happen to know the Major-General's song by heart, which is why I have donned this garb. If it had not been for that reason, well I think we would both agree that I would make a rather stunning Frederic. That is, if you would be my Mabel." He topped it off by bringing his face dangerously close to his current customer. She nearly fainted, only staying upright thanks to the help of the girl next to her, who also had stars in her eyes.

"Haruhi-kun, your outfit makes you look so feminine. If you were a girl, I would be jealous of your beauty." The words brought Haruhi's attention back to the girls she was supposed to be entertaining.

"Oh now, I don't think I could ever compete with you. I doubt I would ever have the patience to grow out my hair like yours, let alone be able to put it into those lovely curls." Haruhi put on her best smile, and watched as her patrons flushed.

At that moment, faced paced music flowed out of the speakers placed around the room, and a spot light was placed onto Tamaki. Haruhi swore she thought she saw maniacal glinting eyes, but as quickly as they were there, they were gone.

"Ladies, thank you for coming to this rather rushed gathering of the Host Club. From all of us here, we sincerely hope that you will see the upcoming production of _The Pirates of Penzance_, which will be running all week. And now, please enjoy my rendition of _A Modern Major-General_!" Tamaki drew in a ludicrously large breath and then began to sing as fast as the music:

"I am the very model of a modern Major-General,

I've information vegetable, animal and mineral,

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical…"

Haruhi was rather impressed with Tamaki's endurance and speed of singing. However, she had little time to ponder this because during the next line, water fell from the ceiling onto Tamaki's head while he sang "Waterloo". To his credit, he hardly stumbled over his words and kept signing while the onlookers giggled. Haruhi felt she knew who was behind it.

"About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,

With many cheerful facts about the square of they hypotenuse…"

It happened again. On hypotenuse, a giant foam triangle hit Tamaki in the small of the back. He spun around, still singing, looking for the culprits, or as Haruhi assumed, culprits. Still, because of the spotlight being the only source of light in the room, he saw no one.

And so it continued. On the word vegetable he was pelted with tomatoes. Animal, an angry cat was tossed at him. Mineral found Tamaki being bombarded with rocks. On and on it went; when Tamaki sang "The Frogs of Aristophanes" a great fat frog landed on top of his head, yet still he did not miss a beat. Babylonic cuneiform was punctuated by the dropping of a stone tablet, which Tamaki managed to avoid. The onlookers watched it shatter on the ground, laughing more than before, and it occurred to Haruhi that they probably thought this whole stunt was planned.

They appeared to have returned to "vegetable, animal and mineral" as the tomatoes, cats and rocks made a reappearance. Haruhi idly wondered how much longer the song went on, when a javelin shot out of seemingly nowhere. Knowing this had not been planned, Haruhi began to worry not only for the safety of Tamaki, but of all of their guests, who assumed this had been carefully planned and therefore safe. She only hopped there were no words more dangerous than javelin.

It appeared that she need not to have worried, though, for after the dropping of many mannequins dressed as nuns, and one more round of tomatoes, cats and rocks, the song was over. Tamaki looked much worse for wear, but his eyes were soon shining again due to the tremendous applause reverberating around the music room. He took a flourished bow, and then promptly fell into a heap upon the floor. The rest of the lights snapped on, and Kyoya stepped into where the spotlight had been moments before.

"Host Club patrons, we thank you again for coming here today, and hope you enjoy the performance the Drama League will put on this week. Normal Host club activities will resume tomorrow, and we hope to see you then." He put on his best Shadow King smile, and kept it there as the occupants of the room filed out the door chatting happily of the spectacle they had just witnessed.

When the door closed, the smile vanished, and riotous laughter exploded from two red headed heaps on the floor.

"Did you see?" Hikaru banged his fists on the floor. "Those tomatoes! And all of those rocks!" He wiped tears from his eyes.

Hunny crouched over Tamaki's head, gently prodding him with his finger. "What should we do with him, Kyoya-kun? Shall we take him to the nurse?"

"If you would, please, Honey-senpai, Mori-senpai," Kyoya nodded to the two of them, as Hunny climbed onto Mori's shoulders. Mori scooped up Tamaki, and they were out the door. "You two," he turned to Hikaru and Kaoru, "if you would please clean up this mess you made, you can be on your way."

"Of course Kyoya. I'm glad you were right! Tono would not stop his performance for anything! I thought for sure the javelin was going to send him running." Kaoru went and joined his twin in gathering the animals.

"As for you Haruhi…I guess once you hang your clothes you are free to go." He turned from her to go back to the table he had been using to pack up.

"Kyoya-senpai, did Kaoru-kun mean to say that you put the two of them up to that?" Haruhi was genuinely puzzled. While Kyoya did get fed up with Tamaki from time to time, he usually dealt with it through blunt words, not crazy antics like the twins.

He turned back to her, and looked down his nose at her, as though insulted. "But of course. Hikaru and Kaoru, while devious in their own right, would need far more time than the twenty minutes after the end of classes to set that up. I, on the other hand, met with the president of the Drama League at lunch and offered our services to help advertise. So I, on the other hand had plenty of time." He paused, and a slight frown found its way onto his face. "Of course, I had to keep it crude, like they would have, as they did end up carrying out the plan for me. With all the time I had, I could have set up something far more impressive. No matter, I believe my revenge was just." He went back to gathering up his things.

"Revenge, Senpai?"

"Tamaki hinted at the start of the day that he had put in far more work than I into our history reports. I shall see you tomorrow, Haruhi. I do not want to see a crease in that dress when it is returned." With that, he turned on his heel and walked from the room.

So that was that, she thought. Of course the guests had not been in any danger. If there had been any inclination of real danger, Kyoya would have put a stop to it at once for fear of the negative impact on club funds. But as he had set it up, he trusted the execution completely. And all over a slip of the tongue of Tamaki's… She shivered inwardly. As she hung up her dress, she was inwardly thankful of the age difference between herself and the Shadow King, lest she find herself at the wrong end of his grade related revenge.


End file.
